Bangers & Smash //
1 x Car, preferably mature & ripe.
1 x Roll bar.
1 x Willing driver. Male or female, can be as young as 6.
4 x Tyres (not necessarily road worthy).
1 x Helmet and race suit.
1 x Bunch of friends, family, girlfriend/ boyfriend for support.
1 x Transportation truck.
1 x Full tank of petrol.
1 x Teaspoon of aggression (use sparingly).
1 x Bag of nerves or heaped tablespoon of guts.
1 x Race track.
1 x Bunch of opponents.
Plus plenty of wedge.
- Strip out all glass, airbags and interior trimmings.
- Add extra strong roll bar.
- Change tyres for added texture.
- Dress with eye catching artwork – inclusion of nicknames and/or message to girlfriends recommended for extra flavour.
- Polish to a glossy finish.
- Add remaining ingredients.
- Carefully place on transport lorry.
- Drive at steady pace to race track- check timings carefully.
- On arrival, stalk competitors to check for quality – be aware of old feuds that need settling.
- Be careful to pour in confidence, competitiveness and camaraderie in equal measures.
- Place banger on start line at full temperature.
- Slice, chop, peel, bash and mash until competitors are well beaten.
- Whizz round track until you’re the last one standing.
- Take lap of honour and enjoy taste of victory.
- Throw in pints of beer to finish.